


Never Topping Again

by larrytheunsinkableship



Category: One Direction
Genre: Boyfriends, Funny, I Tried, I really did, Mpreg, collaborated, crack!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 16:00:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/993818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larrytheunsinkableship/pseuds/larrytheunsinkableship
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis gets pregnant, and he is bitchy whilst giving labor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Topping Again

“I SWEAR, IF ONE MORE GOD DAMN FAN TOUCHES MY STOMACH, I’LL KILL A BITCH” Louis said, "THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT HARRY! IF YOU HADN'T SHOVED THAT IN ME I WOULDN'T BE HERE!" 

Harry stayed quiet.

“YOU ARE NEVER FUCKING TOPPING AGAIN, YOU BITCH." Louis exclaimed, “AND YOU, YOU LITTLE PAIN IN THE ARSE, DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE NOT GROUNDED WHEN YOU GET OUT HERE YOU DESTORYED MY BEAUTIFUL BODY AND NOW YOU'RE CAUSING THE WORST PAIN I'VE EVER FELT IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, YOU LITTLE SHIT" Louis held his stomach, not enjoying the whole ‘I’m going to be a dad’ experience.

 

"BECAUSE OF YOU I'VE TURNED INTO LOUIS FUCKING TUMLINSON." Louis shouted. Harry giggled.  
"NOW THE FANS HAVE A REASON TO HARASS MY STOMACH MORE THAN THEY ALREADY DO" Louis continued. ‘Would it end?’ The doctor thought.

“HARRY, IF YOU LET ANY OF THEM TOUCH MY ARSE AFTER THIS, YOU ARE DEAD MEAT!" Louis groaned in agony

"I DON'T WANT ANYONE FUCKING MY ARSE FROM NOW ON! THAT GOES FOR YOU HAROLD." 

 

"Shut up Lou, you know you love it when I'm in y-" Harry finally got to speak, but was cut short.  
"HAROLD, I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL YOU GRUESOMELY BEFORE YOU FINISH THAT SENTENCE"  
"But Lou-"  
:NO FUCKING BUTS HAROLD! ESPECIALLY MINE!"  
"You say that now Lou," Harry said, snorting.  
"YOU LITTLE BITCH WHEN THIS SATAN CHILD IS OUT OF ME, YOU'RE GOING TO GET IT" Louis warned.

"Seriously, Lou, it can't be tha-" Harry started.  
"HAROLD FUCKING STYLES THERE'S A THING TWICE THE SIZE OF YOUR DICK COMING OUT OF ME, AND THAT'S ALREADY FUCKING PAINFUL ENOUGH SO SHUT UP AND BACK OFF BEFORE I WRAP THIS UMBILICAL CORD AROUND YOUR NECK." 

Harry was in a fit of laughter.  
"IT'S LIKE HAVING A WATERMELON PUSHED OUT OF MY ARSE SO UNTIL YOU FEEL THAT PAIN, SHUT THE FUCK UP!" 

"But Lou, Watermelons aren't tha-" Harry tried.

"SHUT UP NOW STYLES OR I'LL CUT YOUR DICK OFF WITH MY JEANS. WHICH BY THE WAY CAN'T FIT ME ANYMORE! BRINGS NEW MEANING TO LITTLE THINGS, DOESN'T IT! WELL I'M NOT A FUCKING LITTLE THING ANYMORE! FUCK YOU HARRY.”

“We're almost there Mr. Tomlinson, please calm dow-” The doctor rushed to Louis’ aide.

"SHUT THE HELL UP! OR DO YOU FUCKING WANT ME TO RAM IT UP YOUR ARSE WHEN IT'S DONE DESTROYING MINE?!?!? I'LL FUCKING STRANGLE YOU WITH MY SUSPENDERS, IT'S THE ONLY THING I'D BE ABLE TO DO WITH THEM!!" Harry put his head in his hands to stop his laughter.

“Okay Mr. Tomlinson, I need you to give me a big next contraction, okay?" The doctor whispered.

"DON'T TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK TO DO, I THINK MY BODY WILL TELL ME WHEN THIS LITTLE THING WANTS OUT."

　

"Mr. Tomlinson, I am a certified doctor, I graduated from Harvard, the least you coul-"

"I'LL CUT YOU OPEN WITH MY FUCKING PLATINUM RECORD IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP! …… WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING HARRY? YOU NEED A PISS?? TOUGH SHIT! I'VE NEEDED TO PISS FOR THE PAST 9 MONTHS BECAUSE OF YOU!" Louis shouted.

"Louis, calm your god damn balls and push." Harry whined.  
"YOU LITTLE SHIT I'LL TEACH YOU TO TELL ME TO-, AHH GET. OUT. OF. MY. ARSE. AND NEXT TIME IF YOU JUST FUCKING CALM YOU BALLS LONG ENOUGH TO GRAB A FUCKING RUBBER I WOULDN'T BE PUSHING THE-ARRRRRRGH- FUCKING DEVIL OUT OF MY ARSE RIGHT NOW!!!" Louis was near tears now.

"Just push, Lou, and it'll all be over soon, and we'll have our baby in our arms." Harry cooed. 

"YEAH? WELL YOU DON'T HAVE A FUCKING HUMAN PRESSING DOWN ON YOUR CROTCH AND ARSE AREA, SO I HAVE A REASON TO BE A COMPLETE BITCH." 

"Lou, please, just do it... for me?" Harry pleaded.

"FUCK YOU STYLES THE WORST YOU'VE HAD TO DO IS FUCKING MAKE ME FOOD AND NOW HOLD MY HAND. RIGHT NOW I'M PUSHING A FRIGGIN BABY OUT OF MY RECTUM. THE WORST YOU'VE HAD IN THERE IS FUCKING HALF THE SIZE OF THIS!" Louis complained.

Harry sighed tired and frustrated with his distraught and very bitchy lover.  
"Alright, love. Have my hand."  
"OH MY GOD HARRY IT FUCKING HURTS YOU BASTARD I HATE YOU"

"It'll be okay baby, just push" Harry caressed Louis’ matted hair.  
"BUT I FUCKING CAN'T! IT HURTS SO FUCKING MUCH HARRY! I can't do this... Kiss me?"

"Sure, babe," Harry leaned down to kiss his boyfriend on his chapped lips, not that he really minded. He knew his beautiful baby girl or boy would be born would be born within a matter of 20 minutes.  
"Now, let's meet this little baby."  
Louis smiled, but not for long when a contraction caught his attention.  
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT HARRY! IT'S HURTS OH MY GOD"

Harry stroked his love's hand, whispering sweet nothings to him as he rode out the waves of pain.  
"Just hold on baby, listen to the doctor and it'll be ov-"  
"ARRRGH SHIT THERE'S ANOTHER ONE OH SHIT IT HURTS" Louis screamed, almost reduced to tears as the pain became sharper and more frequent.  
"Okay Mr. Tomlinson, whenever there's a contraction, push!!"

Even though Louis was a total bitch, the thought of the actual delivery scared the living daylights out of him. He wasn't entirely sure he'd be able to do this. Thank God he had Harry at his side or he'd be doomed. When the contraction finally came about, he bore down, his body working to its very best.  
"HARRY! MAKE THE PAIN STOP, PLEASE!"

 

"Hey, baby, it'll go away in a second"  
He was right, but it came back not long after.  
"OH MY GOD, HARRY IT HURTS SO MUCH! I'M GOING TO DIE HARRY, IT'S SO PAINFUL!!!"  
Harry was scared too. He didn't know what was going on, didn't understand it. And he was also scared for Louis. Was the pain really that intense that his lover had completely surpassed the bitch level and become that desperate? What was going to happen to Louis when this was over?

"Mr. Tomlinson, I understand it hurts, but you are stressing yourself out to dangerous levels, which could very risky to you and your baby, now I need a big push."  
Louis' eyes widened. He wasn't ready for this, not even close. Harry on the other hand, was nervous. That was plain to see, he's even resorted back to biting his nails, something he only did when all his nerves were going crazy.  
"Okay, on the count of the 3, push, 1...2...3!" the doctor instructed.

"AARRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH"  
The pain tore through Louis at such an intensity that he almost fainted. He could feel that the baby was incredibly close to entering the world now, he could feel it edging ever closer to his entrance, or in this case, exit.  
The pain was back again, ripping through him, forcing a scream out of him.  
"OH SHIT OWWWW"  
"Mr. Styles, if this pain becomes any worse we may have to sedate him and remove the baby..."  
Harry was incredibly terrified and slightly nauseous, so the doctor was completely shocked when the blood drained from his face and he croaked "Remove it? Like a tumor?"

"Not a tumor, persay. We'd have to give him an emergency c-section, because the pain is so great, it's putting too much stress on the baby."  
Harry gulped and shot a glance at Louis, whose face was scrunched up in pain. "Let's just try the natural way first, then if things get worse, we'll through with the c-section."  
The doctor sighed and got back in position.  
"As you wish, Mr. Styles, now Louis, the head is crowning, I need a really push, okay?"  
Louis whimpered and nodded, tears stinging at his eyes. This pain was all too much for his fragile body.  
"Harry.. It hurts so fucking much." he whimpered.

"I know baby, I know, just please keep going." Harry croaked, willing the tears threating to spill over to go away. He had to stay strong for Louis.  
Louis forced himself to push, his eyes nearly popping out of his head as he felt the head push it's way out and he saw the doctor begin to crack a smile.  
"Just a little more, kiddo, and i'll be able to pull it out..."  
"Louis, come on it's our baby, our baby is nearly here!!!" Harry whispered, coulour returning to his cheeks as some of the worry left him.  
But Louis was too tired to push anymore... His body had taken too much and he was beginning to shut down...

No! Shit! Nurse come quick! He's beginning to shut down!" the doctor called panicked.  
Harry's face drained of color quickly. He could lose Louis and the baby. Oh god.  
"No! Do something! Please I can't lose him!" Harry pleaded tears streaming down his face (no pun intended). "Son, we're going to do all we can, but for now, we need to wait outside." Harry's eyes widened.  
"No! I have to be there with him! Please!" he shouted desperately.

Louis' vision was blurry and his hearing was distorted, but he could see figures frantically rushing around and screaming. They must have been trying to avoid the dark that was closing in around them, or was he the only one who cold see it? He couldn't feel the pain so much, so he thought he'd give what the doctor said one more shot. He pushed, receiving panicked looks from the doctors that had been trying to manipulate the baby out of his body.  
"Pull on the head slowly and we'll be able to get it out!" said the original doctor to his female counterpart.  
"I am, just stabilize him!! He blacks out or anything and we lose him!"  
Louis could make out that bit and, after the few seconds that it took him to register it, he began to fight to keep his eyes open, feeling the pain return to his rear as he felt the baby slide out. He heard cries and watched as the female doctor handed the nurse the baby then gasped.  
"WE NEED ANOTHER DOCTOR! THERE'S TOO MUCH BLOOD!"

Harry gasped as he heard the cries of his baby, but that was cut short when he heard the shout, "WE NEED ANOTHER DOCTOR! THERE'S TOO MUCH BLOOD!" He looked over frantically as he saw his lover bleed profusely and the doctors crowding around him.  
"Wait! What's wrong?!" Harry asked panic evident in his voice.  
"Sir we need you stand back!" one doctor shouted to him.  
"No you don't understand-" Harry was cut off when he was shoved out of the room by more doctors.  
"LOUIS! NO! PLEASE!" he screamed banging on the door only to be ignored.  
Harry sank down the wall and began to cry.

Louis was trying to fight the darkness that was threatening to engulf him, he really was, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to for much longer. He was drained, and though he could hear the baby's cries, he couldn't summon the strength to respond.  
The doctors were fighting too. Fighting to keep this young man, a medical miracle, alive. For the baby, and mainly for the broken young man that was curled in the fetal position against the door sobbing his eyes out and muttering about how this entire situation was all his fault.  
The nurse that had been handed their baby had cleaned it up and brought it out to him, offering the small bundle to him as she whispered that she 'was so sorry and Mr. Tomlinson will be stabilized soon'  
He looked down at the baby, meeting the stormiest blue eyes he had seen other than Louis. This was their daughter. They both had to make it through for her..

Harry looked down at his daughter in complete amazement. He couldn't really comprehend that this little bundle was inside Louis for nine months. She was utterly and completely beautiful. With little tufts of dark brown hair and the beautiful blue eyes that resembled Louis' eyes. Oh god, Louis.  
He began to have thoughts of their baby girl growing up without her other father. That he'd have to do this all alone.  
"No, it won't do any good to think like this Harry." he muttered to his self while his daughter began moan softly.  
Harry gave her a watery smile and began to make 'Shhh' noises to the fragile newborn, all while thinking;  
"i hope Louis makes it through this."

The doctors were beyond panicked at this stage, this was a full scale emergency. They couldn't stem the bleeding, no matter what they tried. They had to turn towards their last resort, which could be potentially fatal to Louis, but he'd die anyway if it didn't work.  
They all had warnings against using the bovie pen in places of such delicacy, but they had to stop the vessels from pouring out blood. The doctor manipulated the pen towards where the camera showed the blood was coming from, and the doctor zapped the small vessels one at a time before withdrawing the pen and watching with the micro camera. He watched for 30 seconds before he turned away. The blood had not ceased.  
He started when the room was filled with shouts and cheers and he turned around, noticing immediately that the blood flow had begun to ease off, the floods of the red liquid no longer cascading like a waterfall.

Harry was cooing over his baby girl when he heard the shouts and cheers come from inside the hospital room the occupied Louis. He scrambled to his feet quickly, well as quickly as he could with a newborn in his arms. He shifted her position and hastily knocked on the door. The door opened to a smiling doctor looking down at Harry.  
" Congratulations son, Louis is going to be okay." the doctor smiled.  
Harry felt his smile, showing his adorable dimples and felt his eyes water with happiness.  
Louis, his Louis was going to be okay. Their baby girl would have both dads in her life. Nothing could ruin this moment for Harry.  
"But, I would like to discuss something with you, if you don't mind?"  
Harry's face dropped.  
'Oh no.' he thought.

"Don't be too worried Mr. Styles, we have to go over some precautions.."  
his heart lightened marginally as he muttered his assent.  
"Okay, the baby has torn part of Mr. Tomlinson's insides, so we have decided it is best for him to eat liquids only until he receives the all-clear. We would also advise you to keep the...uh... promiscuous behaviors to a minimum for at least 3 weeks, and it would be best if you did not 'top' as Mr Tomlinson put it. Another tear could prove dangerous, and pregnancy would probably kill him."  
Harry nodded, his cheeks burning, and he looked away from the doctor's gaze. "Yes Dr. Is there anything else?"  
The doctor visibly gulped, having witnessed Harry's undeniable love for his newborn daughter. "I'm afraid there is, Mr. Styles..."

"I'm afraid to say, that while coming out of Mr. Tomlinson’s womb, your daughter has some things wrong with her as well," the doctor began.  
Harry gulped quite loudly and looked down at his baby girl. She looked perfectly fine, and seem healthy.  
The doctor sighed, "Follow me," he ordered and began walking in a certain direction causing Harry to follow.  
They got to an examination room, but much like the one he and Louis visited while in the earlier stages of pregnancy.  
He took the baby from Harry's arm and gently set down and mimed for him to come closer. Harry took a few steps closer and looked down at his daughter.  
"I'm afraid to say Mr. Styles, she is going to have a few things wrong with her in her future, such asthma, blindness, deafness, mental retardation, and she could possibly die."

Wha-what?" Harry stuttered, feeling a fresh batch of tears spilling over. His daughter? Possibly going to die? He couldn't deal with that. He'd almost lost the love of his life today. He couldn't lose the only good thing that had come from that...  
"Sir, there is only a 16% chance that she will survive the next two weeks. And then there is a chance less than 3% chance that she will live to be 5, without any defects."  
His heart shattered all over again as he shifted his gaze from the grave man in front of him back down to his sleeping daughter, who would possibly never see him, or never talk to him.  
"When can I see Lou? When can I tell him?" he somehow managed to choke out, ignoring the sympathetic glances thrown is way by passers-by.  
"You can see him now, but please don't tell him unless we have advised you it is safe. His body and heart are still extremely weak and a shock such as that could kill him.

Harry took a shuddering breath as he nodded weakly. The doctor directed him back to Louis' room and Harry thanked him. As he was walking back a million thoughts ran through his head all at once.  
'What if she does die? What am I gonna tell Lou? 'Oh ya know, you spent hours pushing a human being out of you and almost died and know she's dying' no, he couldn't do that. He can't lose the two most important things in his life. He knocked on the hospital door before entering. He looked over at his lover with pain filled eyes.  
Louis was laying on bed look exhausted and weak.  
"Hey you." Harry smiled weakly at Louis.  
Louis' eyes opened just a bit for him to smile at his curly haired boyfriend.  
"Hey Haz..Where's the baby?" he asked weakly.  
'Oh shit.' Harry thought.

"She had to get those tests done to make sure all her levels are right. You know?"  
Louis nodded, gazing at his boyfriend lovingly. "You know what Haz? I'm so glad i'm alive. I'm sorry i said all of those things to you, i was just in a bit of pain. I have to tell you how much i love you. I love everything about you. Your hair, your eyes, your lips, your body, the way you shake when you laugh at my jokes, the crinkles near your eyes when you smile, the way you say 'I Love You', the way your voice is so gravelly in the morning, the way you're so nice, I could go on forever, the way you always put me first and you don't care what people think about that... But most of all, I love your honesty..."  
And that was the part that broke Harry Styles.  
Louis looked over at Harry in curiosity. Why did he all of a sudden get upset about him saying what he felt?  
"Haz.. Are you alright?" Louis asked quietly.  
Harry suddenly came back from his daze and gave Louis a fake smile but Louis seemed to buy it.  
"I'm fine Louis, promise, just a little shaken up is all."

"Are you sure? You seem uneasy.." Louis tried again.  
Harry caught the doctor's eye, who was making a 'cutting' motion towards his neck.  
Now was not the time to say anything.  
"Uh, yeah. I swear, i'm okay."  
Louis narrowed his eyes.  
He could read Harry like an open book, and as far as he could tell, Harry was lying.

Harry swallowed thickly and pulled on the collar of his shirt.  
He cant tell Louis just yet.  
"I'm just shaken up Louis, honest. I almost lost you, I think I have a right to be shakey right now." he chuckled uneasily.  
Louis sighed softly but accepted the answer he had gotten.  
"Alright Harry, if you say so."

"I do say so. I’m fine." He tried his best not to snap.  
But his eyes were getting foggy and the room was spinning.  
What was--  
"Get some doctors!" Louis shouted.  
A nurse rushed in at the sight of Harry collapsed onto the floor checking his pulse.  
"Doctors! I need doctors! This boy is going into Cardiac Arrest!"

'No. No. NO!' Louis thought.  
This couldn't be happening right now! He had just barely gotten his life back, and now Harry's life was in danger and he had no clue where his baby was.  
"Quick! He's convulsing! Get the clamps!" a doctor shouted to another.  
Louis's eyes widened with fear.  
He felt a reassuring hand on his should and looked up to see his doctor.  
"Just lay down son, Harry will be alright, and you're in no condition to be getting worked up."

"But- That’s my fucking husba- .. Boyfriend we're talking about! I have no fucking clue where my baby is, my boyfriend could be possibly dying and you-- you dong fucking care i mean.. IM JUST SO EMOTIONAL! LET ME-"  
The doctor pushed Louis back down, "Lay down!"  
Louis raised his eyebrows, "Uhm, Yeah. I'm Louis FUCKING Tomlinson. Sass masta from Doncasta. Who the HELL do you think you're talking to?" Louis sucked on his bottom lips, waiting for an answer.  
"I'm talking to you, Mr. Tomlinson, now calm down-"  
"I will not calm down! LET ME SEE HARRY!"  
He was pushed down again, but a little rougher.  
"Mr. Tomlinson, I can't let you-"  
"Fuck you. Maybe this is why you don't have a wife."

The doctor stared at Louis in disbelief before the angry seeped through.  
"YOU LITTLE SHIT! I SHOULD'VE LET YOU DIE YOU UNGRATEFUL LITTLE PRICK." he screamed in Louis' face and the other doctors and nurses looked at him in shock.  
Louis' eyes widened as the doctor tired to go for his throat but was held back by other staff members.  
"I SHOULD'VE LET THE LITTLE BITCH!"

"Doctor, please!!! Have you been smoking the medicinal marijuana again?!" Scolded a nurse, pushing the doctor out of the room before picking up the defibrillators‘. "Please Mr. Tomlinson, calm down, We'll have your man breathing again in no time. Charge." "CLEAR!" came a call then SNAP! Harry's body spasmed as the shock of electricity flowed through his body. "Heartbeat hasn't returned." "Charge to 1200" "CLEAR!" SNAP!  
"Still no heart beat." "One more try!"  
"But Nurse, we could lose our jobs!!!" the other nurses fretted.  
"But we could get this guy breathing again and reunite him with his baby and the love of his life! NOW FREAKING CHARGE!!!"

The nurses and doctors shared a glance before shrugging before picking up and charged up the defibrillators’ again.  
"CLEAR!" they shouted and all they heard was Harry gasping for breath.

"It's a Miracle.." One of the nurses took a few breaths.  
"If we wouldn't have done that, he probably would've left us.." Another said.  
Out of the corner of there eyes, they saw the two lovers smile.  
"I love you" Louis whispered.  
"I love you too," Harry mouthed back.


End file.
